The wait is terrible. As each day passes, my hope keeps building. It’s hard not to try and look for signs that your body has some precious cargo on board. My stomach being unsettled or being sensitive to pungent smells. It’s hard to keep in perspective that I’ve just been sick and I was probably in a particularly odorous location.
The time is starting to near when we can do a pregnancy test, and I am trying to squash any hope I have. I don’t want to be built up for a fall. Unfortunately, no matter what I do, the hope builds with each passing day. All I can do now is hope that it’s not an empty.
Also not helping, is the fact we are trying to sell our home. The stress, the pace, the lack of sleep, is all starting to take its toll. We are continually eating out, takeaway and fast food, because we don’t have the time to cook. It’s making me feel really lethargic and heavy. I’m really excited because the photos of our house are done today and that means tonight we go back to our regular home cooked meals. I feel like my body is crying out for the nutrients that have been withheld from our diet.
Coming from last week where I was so sure that we were pregnant, this week started with me being sure that I wasn’t. I was so upset, but nothing has happened either way. I was really starting to feel the failure when, Our Little Man came and gave me the biggest hug ever. It really helped me get back on track.
We can now technically do a pregnancy test, but Hubby wants to wait for as long as possible as to not waste a pregnancy test. I’m sick of waiting and just want to know. We have come to a compromise and we are going to take the test in half a week.
Heartbreaking news – we are not pregnant. The test came back negative. I know this is just the first step in our journey but it’s still a hard blow. I think the hardest thing is trying to give up my preconceived ideas of perfect. If this would have worked there would have been a perfect age gap between our little man and the new baby. If this would have worked we would have been able to have a baby born in winter (because it was horrible being really pregnant in a Queensland summer).
Anyway, we decided to make a booking with the doctor we used to get our little man, as we didn’t like the doctor we were using this time round. I didn’t like how hands off he was and how it took over 24hrs and multiple phone calls for him to get in contact with us.
We had a holiday this week, and I just took it off. I had a break from trying to avoid the things in case I was pregnant, from work, from trying to eating healthy, from organising our house to be built and from selling our current house.
We went to a holiday house and spent the week at the beach and just relaxed. It was seriously refreshing and I have now regrouped to start the pregnancy process over again.